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You Are Here > About "Jellyroll"
Beautiful BRIDAL GOWNS, too!
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 I
am a BBPW (Big Beautiful PROUD Woman). "Proud"
because I have accomplished a lot of things in my life that, at one
time, I never thought possible.
Ever since
I can remember, I've been on the receiving end of taunts and
unsolicited advice of so-called "well meaning" - and
obviously not so well meaning - classmates, family,
"friends", co-workers and even complete strangers on the
street. In the past, my basic instinct was to retreat into
myself, wrap myself in my own comfortable world, becoming shy around
unfamiliar people, fearful of rejection that had been so much a part
of my life. I was blessed with wonderful parents who
were proud of me in every way and never hesitated to show that to me
or the rest of the world. I made it through high school with
most of my sanity intact thanks to their support and a few good
friends I made along the way. After graduating with honors in
1978, I landed an office support position with Van Heusen Factory
Stores Operation Division (the shirt people), moving from part-time
clerk to Assistant to the Warehousing and Distribution
Manager. My self-esteem and confidence grew and blossomed
thanks to having to deal with lots of kinds of people. But,
what started out as a great job went on a steady decline,
facilitated by the "Boss From Hell". A few
years ago, both of my parents suffered strokes and I cared for them
full time. That period gave rapid rise to my self-confidence
again. In order to run a household, I took on lots of
roles. I battled with the government concerning Black Lung
Benefits, Social Security and Disability benefits - and anything
else that ticked me off because it boiled down to plain old
bureaucratic paper shuffling. I lost both
parents to their illnesses only 6 months apart. Funny, no
matter how old you are you're still an orphan when
they're gone... It was then that I realized that I was alone
and it was sink or swim. So, I decided to get out
there and dog paddle my way into the world of being single and a
homeowner and self-sufficient. The bills got paid
(mostly). I learned my way around the workings of a
house. Now, knowing far more than I ever thought I wanted to
know about furnaces, plumbing, cars and carpentry, I've become handy
as can be with power tools. I landed a few jobs in the
home improvements field, securing leads for salesmen of remodeling
products. Since this put me in the public spotlight, I
polished my "people skills" and made a lot of new
acquaintances and a couple of good friends. I also ended a
very unhappy relationship with someone when I realized that he
wasn't giving me the respect I deserved. I decided that I would
keep company with myself before I would ever keep it again with
someone who didn't respect me and treat me right. I was very
comfortable with that decision. Then, in March of
1996, I bought a computer, started surfing the 'Net and found that
there were lots of BBWs out there and that I wasn't alone in what I
had experienced in life concerning my appearance. The feeling
was very enabling. It opened up new doors for me and allowed
me to be myself with people who didn't pass negative judgments about
me based on my size. I had found personal acceptance in myself
a long time ago, but it was a terrific feeling to find so many
people who had that same acceptance of me and my body. I
came across Hank's Gab Cafe and decided to post a message there
hoping to meet someone that appreciated me and what I had to offer
to someone special. I ultimately met a wonderful man named
James. We are definitely a success story of love on the
internet. We laugh in the faces of the people who
claimed that "it won't work out". We were married in
a beautiful lake-side ceremony surrounded by family and will
celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary in September. Check out our
wedding album
photos. Size-acceptance and self-acceptance are issues
very dear to my heart. I am a firm believer in not judging
ANYONE based on their appearance. "Fatuglylazyandstupid"
is not one work and it does not automatically apply to someone
because they are large-sized. Large people can - and do - have
full lives. We laugh, work, have jobs, have homes, fall in
love, even have sex -- if WE allow ourselves to. My
advice for anyone searching for happiness and love is that you have
to like yourself first. A large size on your clothing labels
is not a personality defect. If you accept yourself for
whatever size you are today and live that day like it's the last one
you might have, you'll find happiness in yourself and in lots of
other places, too. We never know if we'll have a partner to
face life with, so we must learn to be good to ourselves. Many
times in the size-acceptance movement and the BBW world, I hear the
statement, "bigger is better". I disagree that any
size is better than any other. Physical traits do not make us
rise above anyone else, and physical traits can change. Hair
falls out, wrinkles appear, breasts must be removed, weight goes up
and down. Size is just one aspect of
me. People of any size deserve to be treated with respect as a
human being. People are wrong to judge anyone's worth on
whether they find - or do not find - someone physically attractive
or what they determine a person's "health status" to
be. In our society, thin people, especially women, are
afforded a lot in their lives based on their appearance. If
they are found to fit the current criteria for
"attractive", they are automatically judged to be
"good" and "worthy" - of happiness, good jobs,
loving mates - almost everything in life, no matter what kind of
person they *actually* are. As a person who has been
judged to be "bad" or "unworthy" for so long, I
say "ENOUGH". I am not here to decorate anyone's
world. I will not take poor treatment and disrespect anymore
and hold people accountable for their actions. Silence is
acceptance of bad behavior and I will not accept this behavior -
therefore, I will not be silent. I make no apologies to anyone
about my feelings or the anger from being abused, nor will I entertain
a debate about the issue or swallow the old "but I'm concerned
about your health" line of garbage. I don't CARE who else
is concerned about my health. This site really upsets
some people because it makes them examine their prejudices closely
and they don't like what they see. They call me
"negative" (nope) and "angry" (yep) because they
don't want to see or hear what life's really like for fat
people. Usually because the abuse that gets dished out comes
from people just like themselves. It depresses them to
recognize the schmuck in themselves. They want me to shut up
and they want me and my site to just go away. Too bad, it
isn't going to happen... And that pleases ME to no end. Authorizing
this site has been a very positive experience as part of my
continuing journey into self- and size-acceptance. I have been
able to share with hundreds of thousands of visitors a glimpse into
life as a fat person, bring them lists of resources available to
large-size folks and even played matchmaker once! I've had
many people ask, "How did you get to this point? I wish I
could do it." I believe it all comes down to handling
things the way they work for you. Years of silence and trying
to turn the other cheek got me nowhere. Standing up and
speaking out worked for me. Do whatever works for you, but DO
IT. Just don't sit there and veg. I have come to
be able to love myself on a day to day basis, not waiting until I'm
a particular size to live my life. I have been blessed with a
wonderful man in my life as a result. He knows that there will
be physical changes through the years, as I know there will be
changes with him. But our attraction to each other is based on
a complete, deep, trusting love. A love that includes the
outside, but also reaches deep within. That means no matter
what changes are waiting for us down the road, we will see each
other through eyes that behold a beautiful person - always. That
is what "acceptance" is all about. |
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